anjennette

Yikes...

2008-09-11T03:45:44Z

an email to my ex-sister-in-law -- somewhat embellished since sending, but not by much...

Hello. Thanks for responding. Good to hear about car -- at least, as you say, it's still "drive-able"...hopefully, being a Honda, will hang in there some more for a while??!!!!

Trying to breathe...not coming easy. Lots going on and not sure how to manage...

Tried calling last night, realized I had old cell # on "phone book cell" -- tried to use you as a reference...oh well, seems like it went ok despite.

Leo let my cat out last night. Still not over that. Seriously wanted to kill him...told him today, he's lucky to still be alive. He said, "well, of course, she wouldn't GO too far" -- you kidding me????? This one is the reason "curiosity killed the..." -- nosier than any I've ever had before. Could have been 6 miles away before realizing she was missing. Took a good 2 hrs. in the darkness, loads and loads of bad, bad words (making sure he could hear them cuz I was way so pissed!!) before able to coax her back in. No sleep until 3 or 4 am as I couldn't stop hugging and kissing her. Told Leo, "see?!! THIS is why I need my own place. Point has made!"

Where is Irina that she is not in office? And thank you so much for balls of light been sending, but must request. I need MORE!!! (sorry for the imposition).

I got the house...

saw it yesterday, tinier than it looks from outside (very deceiving) but just fine for me and a bitty one. And she'll just love it. My bed (which Leo said I can take) will basically fill the bedroom, nothing to sit on, nothing to cook with, eat with/on, etc. Loads of $$$...so terrified now...am I going to be able to DO this?? Determined to but at what cost?? Think I may have bitten off more than I can chew but she really wanted to rent to ME (imagine THAT!!!). Said the guy that she showed the place to right before she called me was willing to pay a yr. in advance but she really liked me and understood my plight (I didn't go into extreme detail but said that living in my employer's home 24/7 was not the best. I also did not wear my brace (for shoulder which is truly not healing well at all -- it definitely needs surgery to repair). Was so proud that I hadn't taken any pain meds all day -- but after a couple hours without it, was in AGONY...no idea how I'm going to manage to move. Somehow, that too will be taken care of.

Don't know why, but feel like crying. Could be that stupid hormone I'm taking but mostly it's because (I think), I'm terrified...I also called County Sr. Srvcs. today to find out just how much Leo is underpaying me. Quite a huge chunk (as we all pretty much knew). I did bring it up to him -- not more mentioned but at least it's in his head to ruminate over.

He wants to have lunch with his son "alone" on Fri. which is truly odd...I think he's thinking of something but no idea what...maybe to get rid of me?? No idea what to make of that.

Ask him what he thinks -- I believe in Leo's view, I "don't do enough" for him -- he has no idea what all I do for him. Even when I was "off" every-other-day and living with Gil, I never truly had a "day off". Was making phone calls, making lists, setting up dr. visits, etc., etc. He has no idea...if he fires me, he will quickly learn...although, a "new one" might actually have sex with him -- LOL!! And GROSS!! PUKE, PUKE, PUKE!!!

You would love this house, Eb. As I said, very, very tiny. About 4 rooms. Bedroom, livingroom (narrow as all heck, hard to get a couch (if I had one) and tv without knicking shins, "dining area" is part of it. She (being my "new landlord", Marie -- that is enough to make me want to run to the toilet again. Responsibility, having to deal with someone other than myself, money, money, money!!!!!!...again, wanna cry...). (she) brought a small round table and set up in dining "area" for people to fill out applications. I asked if it came with (somewhere to sit and eat at least) and she said, "well, I brought it from home but I might be able to work that in". Wants to charge another $100 for cat deposit. I told her, "Ouch!!". I meet with her tomorrow to sign papers, hand over (and can you believe??!!!) $1500!!!!! and will ask to take that # WAYYYYY down...yes, she (Missy this is) is a pistol...her nails are unbelievable (didn't mention obviously) but another $100?? I had to nearly empty out my "retirement" savings (of course, did NOT mention to Leo as he would be pretty ticked I think but I believe he kind of knows...where else would I come up with that kind of money??!!)

anyway...small kitchen, but lots of cupboard space (which is lovely). Very small and shallow bedroom closet, some storage by the bedroom door (deepish closet). As I said, very narrow living/dining room. Has a small laundry room -- washer/dryer look in pretty good shape and she said work well. The stove/oven looks pretty new and the fridge looks only a few yrs. old and "more my style" (easy to get to stuff, etc.). Bathroom is fairly large but shares a good portion with the water heater (Marie said it's new -- good size which means I might actually get to wash my hair AND shave my legs all at the same shower! That's something to say as I can't do both here at Leo's. Didn't check out the shower too much (I'm so weird, I can't stand checking out a bathroom with someone else there that I don't know...I have a feeling you might understand...uncomfortable for some weird reason...I mean, SERIOUSLY!! We all use them, why couldn't I look it over and peruse as if just another room??? Not much of any storage (if I recall) but Leo did make me (or is in the process) for several shelves for the bathroom here which will probabably work quite well.

Back porch needs a bit of work but will fit my planting table (that Leo made me), a chair (outdoor resin one I am sure I can abscond with), and I'm hoping to eventually put a screen door on (maybe from my room here if it will fit??) so Missy Doodles can look out.

Old broken-down swingset in backyard which she said she will have removed. As I said before, not a tree to be seen, grass is fried/crunchy. Asked about who mows...she said that she would be happy to until the spring (one mowing before the rains start). I said I have no problem with mowing but don't have the tools and she said, (as I stated), one mowing and then in spring, would be upon the renter. I think she really liked to hear that I love puttering in soil, that that is my "church/"calming place. I really think that is what really "sold me" with her...

There is a planting box which runs the length of the porch which will be fun to muck around in. I need a rosemary bush at the very least... It has ivy growing all willie-nillie, and I love ivy but some of it is going to have to go, if I want to make it a mini garden. There is also an apple tree in the next yard, scattering rotting apples into "MY YARD" (HA!!!!!! WHAT?????!! MY yard??!! Oh wow...yay!!!), which will need to be removed (wasps, yellow jackets), but could also make applebutter -- haven't canned much to speak of this year at all so will be so calming and yay!-ish...(if you will)

I asked her if she had a problem with me planting my "trees" that I have, belonging to the Arbor Day Foundation (you know me and plants, have no place to put em, but I WANT them!!), and she (very enthusiastically) said, "oh yes!! That would be just fine!"

There is an attic, but the weirdest thing, EB? Because of space, they only built the stairs so they come up to your middle...so here is Anjennette, all ladened down with boxes, putting stuff into storage (dodging wasps and yellow jackets as she said there was quite a problem), toddering on a plastic chair (only chair I have right now), attempting to lift leg up three feet to get on a narrow stair...I will definitely need a "spotter". Just don't tell me they charge by the hour/minute...

I know that this will be so lovely and calming and "safe" -- and me and Missy will be so happy in our VERY OWN PLACE...

Marie said that she wanted to clean the carpet (old 70's shag but not in horrible shape -- I didn't argue, though it looks ok to me) She said "if there is time before (I) move in"...before I move in...heavy, scary sigh. This might be a "ok, Anjennette! Seriously! Be careful what you wish for -- thing. Hope to hell not.

She also said that she would like to have the fence re-put-in on the "right side" of house as it was crumbling and removed. No one lives next door (right now -- up for rent/sale), but if they move in and have a dog/goat/giraffe, will appreciate that...also, if Doodles gets out (God forbid, and not that she can't jump like a deer), will keep her somewhat "restrained". For a while at least...

I wish you were here right now, to hold my hand, give me a hug, and tell me, "it's gonna be alright". Just need a job. If I don't do it (move) this weekend, then next weekend would be better as my friend, Terri Lee will be able to borrow a truck and help and maybe this stupid messed up shoulder will be a bit better AND save a bit more $$ as will be pro-rated (rent) for the month...

Also need to ask if she has a problem with me painting walls -- house is done in -- again -- 70's wood paneling -- too dark and I need light to survive. If she says no, then I can at least put up borders or something.

Had to laugh with Leo today as I told him, "well, I finally get my bathroom, but it's "all the way across the house" to get to it" -- again, not that it's a mansion, but you know! gotta pee in the middle of the night, try to stay asleep best you can, walk through bedroom, living room, kitchen to get there...without stumbling over something or a cat lying in the middle...

Can ya tell I'm panicked and babbling??!! And I gotta do a credit report for her tonight to take with tomorrow when I sign my life away...I don't want to see just all I "owe the world".

Still trying to breathe. Still not coming easy...

"keep praying, Anjennette. This fell in your lap, your were preferred over others...(hard is that to believe and will be for some time -- but NO NEGATIVES HERE!!!) -- Balls of Light, Balls of Light, Balls of light...and You Will Be Happy In Your Own Place. Just make it happen!!!"

I just don't want to let anyone else -- least of all myself or my cat -- down...

It's 8:13 pm, Wed. if you receive this shortly, you can call. Would really like that. BUT!!! Don't feel guilty if you don't receive this and/or feel like calling...it will all be what it will all be.

Love and hugs, hope you make it through 2 more days in your lovely cubicle (without Irina) -- so sorry she's not there. Tell me why (also tell me what they said about car, trying not to be so bloody self-centered, but huge panic attack just waiting in the wings is not being judicious...sorry...)

Off to do credit report...gag.

~ Me

(quite scary to be signing a lease "for life" -- for MY life -- on 9/11 but hopefully will 'turn things around'. Someone, please pray for me...(oh! won't have a phone for some time. That'll be tough)

Horoscope

2008-08-17T09:07:59Z

Wow...these couldn't be more right on...

Today is Sunday, August 17th, 2008:

oh golly! Was just "told" that today is Monday...I didn't know THAT!!

Any hoodles...

this was Saturday:

Your mind soars with this cycle, Gemini, and whilst many of your considerations are confusing or baffling, there is so much depth to this energy. Life as you know it is under the microscope for alteration, with relocation, long term travel, internal reflection, ideals and spiritual leanings all feeling the effects. Embrace this moment as life becomes less about today and more about tomorrow.

Sunday:

There is no beating around the bush today, Gemini, as a situation reaches a climactic point. New job opportunities are on the cards, and new love can shift to serious, or over, as discussions take a more serious twist. You express your needs in ways that are irrefutable by others.

Ok, thennnnn..."today" (still seriously thought today was Sunday!! Good to know as I have to pick up Leo from the bus station Thursday night! (Like I have good night vision or something -- and SOMEONE was 'posed to help me but never mind that!!)):

and so, being 2+ hours in a day that has been so called "Monday":

There is no beating around the bush today, Gemini, as a situation reaches a climactic point. New job opportunities are on the cards, and new love can shift to serious, or over, as discussions take a more serious twist. You express your needs in ways that are irrefutable by others and if they don't join your path, you will simply walk on without them.

WITHOUT them...

And I hope job opps are out there...and "new love"???!!!! HA!!!! and yes, I will simply walk away...after 17 truckloads taking my shit out of there.

Well, there ya go...horoscopes have been ridiculed for eons. These seem to be "dead on". ('cept for the "new love" crap...yick...unless I turn Lesbo...may have been fun 'cept for the fact that I have no desire for women...).

If anyone cares,

Just --

~ Me

a portion of an email to my ex-sis-in-law

2008-08-17T08:06:18Z

As I mentioned in previous msg., life is really crappy right now. Probably moving back to Leo's but I can't be here with him 24/7 as it is not good for either of us (he stops hearing and doing a danged thing for him (can't remove his dinnerware from the table, has "no idea" where the dishwasher is, makes stupid requests of me any time of the day, etc., etc., etc.,) as I am always one step ahead and ALWAYS take care of "every thing" and I just want to throttle him).

Not sure of where I will move to next nor do I know if he (Leo) will let me have the car...it's in my name, he told me it's "mine", but if he decides to be an ass (he's a man, could he be any different...sorry, shouldn't say that. He truly is a lovely man but I could so see him be "difficult" -- AHEM!!). He would hate to see me go as I would hate to leave him...

Hotter n' a holy fuck and even his thermostat, you need to have a Masters to operate (trust me, tried punching every button and then in unison...) HA! I typed "Unisom" -- perhaps need some sleep. Not a freaking breeze...

Trying very hard to not ...

very hard to not "feel"...

things have come to quite a head with Gil and I...guess I gotta go back and pack my shit. And goly shit...I tried. If ANYONE has ever with that man, it's been me. And trust me, I lived with Steve. And this has been one full bag of beans.

If I go though, will have to probably leave Missy (my beloved kitty) as it will be tough for her and if she gets out, and take her with, with her gift of desertion, Leo's cat, Rocky will beat the holy crap out of her and he's HUGE. And I don't want to go through another Katie episode. And then if I move on...how will she follow?

Ok, heart just broke.

Shit. Don't bother crying for the ruined year or the man I'm "losing", freaking fucking ANIMALS will wreck me every time.

All I can say about myself is that I am a pretty decent (well, at least 3/4% decent) person and when I try to make a "go of it", I put in 300%. And am always blamed (because they can't take responsibility for themselves) for it failing.

Whatever.

Life moves on and so should I.

I know! Pretty upbeat shit I'm feeding you, isn't it?!!

Wow...just felt a hair's brush of breeze...ahhh...oh heck. Gone now.

I love you, EB and I am glad that you and I have reconnected. Hope we stay so. You still planning on visiting So. Cal in another week or so? Hope you can stay with Suze as neither you nor I can afford a hotel. Mothers and Daughters have such a difficult relationship. But I also cannot "afford" the day my mother leaves this planet.

Golly, well if there's no breeze, then I'm sure "breezy" aren't I? HA!!!

Best part about my day was I went onto my old gamesite (one I used to practically live at) and found and old friend and he gave me a fabulous history lesson about Indians and stuff. It was remarkable how much he knows and gave me the name/writer of a book I have been wanting to read for some time. It's been about 2 or more years since he and I last spoke and also amazing as neither or us get online much nor play at that same site. And pls don't think I'm looking for another man. Good Lord In Heaven!!!! Who needs one of THOSE???? (seriously!) There used to be a good group of us that would play on Sun. afternoons and geez and golly did we about kill ourselves and each other with laughter!!!

Ok, enough babble.

Bye, EB. for now.

An email to Steve's sister "EB"

2008-07-08T04:36:50Z

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Hey there! I'm glad you and Rod get together weekly. That's cool and so good for you and probably for him as well. I totally understand about not wanting to know what is going on in your old home. I still miss my tiny little house that I had by myself for over three years. LOVED that little place. And I had this fantastic outside yard with a tree and chimes and a birdbath and kitties that loved to play out there. Tiny little patio. Only 6 people were ever allowed to enter. It was my "SAFE PLACE". And then I got together with Steve...last of the "safe place" -- lol -- kinda' lol?!!

I know that the pics I emailed weren't very good. Dig. camera isn't the best. And that was last year's produce. Not expecting much this year and it's so disheartening. The weeds are doing fantastic but everything else??? Pumpkin is doing the best thus far and besides pumpkin pie...what else do ya do with it??!! As I said, disheartening.

Glad you had something to do for the Fourth. Sorry it made you feel sad but I do so understand. We went grocery shopping......woooo.....hoooo....and then grilled out. Gosh, what a whole different day...snork.

How did your mom sound on her bday? I really wanted to call but didn't know if she'd be able to hear me at all. Please, next time you speak to her, please tell her I think of her and fondly quite often.

Haven't tried to call Steve again. Really need to get those divorce papers filled out. Only reason I haven't is because I truly need the insurance for meds. I can't afford my bi-polar one without ins. as it's over $300 a month. And who has THAT kinda dough??? Not to mention the other ones I take daily.

<sorry about the racket, I'm eating a radish>

Wish I could afford to send you some of my jams. They are fantastic though most are made with sugar. Phenomenal though! The pear butter turned out great and tastes just like apple butter. You like?

I have two little kittens living on our front doorstep. We have several feral cats that came with the place and "Mama Cat" just got picked off. Shame as she was a nice kitty. She gives birth to some of the sweetest kitties around. The dad went missing some time ago (not a problem as he needed to go because of population problems and feeding ($$). They are quite wild but cute as bugs. Won't leave the front as they "never know when they might be caught unawares and "miss a meal". There is one that I absolutely adore. Her name is Peaches and I wish I could find a home for her. She is just the sweetest! However, her brother, "Buddy", keeps raping her and beating her up and he definitely needs to go. I think she has another infection (the last one almost killed her and I did everything in my power to save her and now this one comes right one it's heals). I tried to find her tonight to giver her "special dinner" but only Buddy out there and no Peachy-Peach.

Did I tell you how very sorry I was to hear that Rabbit died? That's very sad. Very sad. Quite interesting he hopped into Bean's lap. Sometimes animals know so much more than we do. Still sad though. And I am very sorry for your loss. He was a little sweetie. Though he was skittish with me, I sure loved his company when me and Mom were there. Handsome boy.

The "boys" are out busy working on the workshop. They have been working on this on and off for some time. I actually get a work table! For a while there, it was looking like a "no girls allowed" fortress. But Gil finally heard what I was saying about having some "special quite project time together" and allowed me in. Well, I haven't gotten in there yet, so we'll see. I have this fantastic project that I am just chomping away to get at. It's something I bought quite some time ago on eBay. I bought one for my sister too, but too expensive to send to her so never did (the other one is in my $$$$$!!!!! storage unit in CA). It's an angel (gorgeous!!!) that has her arm around a bowl. I had a plant in it (croaked) but you could put soaps, towels, just about whatever you wanted in it. The highest wing is probably 6-7" and very detailed. I plan on doing her wings in white with gold highlights, light blue, bit of light pinkie-pink, and the bowl itself is very elaborate. I will send you a pic if I ever get it finished. It's going to be a very time consuming project but it's been driving me nuts to get to it. Keep planning out the colours, etc.

And yes, I know what you went through in your marriage. Well, as much as you told me, that's why I knew you would understand. I swear, this guy is sometimes certifiable. And his second wife gave him just as much PTSD as that "Police Action" (that's not right -- what is the correct wording that they used for that nightmare that has ruined so many men's lives??? Oh. After asking, I guess I was correct. Put that one on the calendar. hee hee). He hasn't had a one of his nightmares in quite some time thankfully. I used to have to almost crawl on top of him and physically hold him down. The downside is the ex, Lorna. She slept with most of her office and everyone in between. And when he is in his "haunts", he accuses me of everything that she did to him. And it is B-R-U-T-A-L. I've never cheated on anyone in my life nor do I ever intend to.

Any hoodles...

Well I finally wrote back. I didn't answer all of your questions or commented on it all but then I'd have to go digging it all out.

Oh! I made Lizzie (the chocolate lab) some dog cookies the other night. They are made of wheat flour, cheddar cheese, and something else (oh! MILK!) and I keep snacking on them they are so good! I'll try to attach a pic for ya, you might get a giggle.

Hope you are well, my friend.

Lots of love,

~ Me

(and if you'd like some jam, I will do what I can to send you some. There is Pear Butter, Apple Butter, Red Plum (THAT (!!!!!) was the ultimate!!!, Peach, Blackberry, Apricot (might be out of that), Lemony Peach, did a whole bunch of beets (do you like pickled beets?)...can't remember what else, if there is anything else. Let me know what you might like if any.)

oh. And I have been a crocheting idiot. I've made nearly 30 hats and scarfs. Still working on more. I was going to give them all away to homeless. But then my gf in CA mentioned that she is doing a 2 day 40 mi. walk for Breast Cancer Awareness and though I can't contribute money, asked if she could find out about me donating some of the hats/scarfs to women going through chemo. Haven't heard back but I think that might be one of the directions I would like to go in. I am trying to do something "good for the cause" -- whatever cause that might be -- and trying to get past my own nose. I want to do something to help people. Make some sort of difference. I know that's why I am here.

And I also know what you mean about being in nature. I have finally found it, though it does have it's down sides. No friends, way too much rain and drear. But I have finally found a bit of silence. And that is what I have craved all of my life, EB. I know you also. I suggest Oregon if you can figure it. But you'd definitely need to "branch out" to make an acquaintance or two as it gets highly "broad" out here. I can decipher a lot of animal calls (somehow, unexpectedly, I have figured these out. Must be a great big compliment to Animal Plant - lol).

Ok, I seriously need to scrounge something for dinner as it's nearly 9:30.

Again, love and hugs,

~ Me

PS I wanted to attach the pics of the cookies I made for Lizzie (you'd get a smile) but after busting through all my pics, realized that one is on Gil's camera. I'll try to send it off to you sometime after I download his camera into his file. Been really gabby tonight. Time to shut up and eat. hee hee hee...

a msg. to Brent...after a very long while...

2006-11-29T05:32:25Z

Would you - or someone you know - just call and make an appointment with a lawyer for me? I gotta "put all of this on someone else's shoulders for a while"...I don't know what is wrong with me...

Actually, I do. I continually deal with all of this shit, it just keeps on running around and around and around in my head - and I keep trying to run away from it (not working out so very well) and to have to actually "go through it all again", just seems too much...but it needs to be done. I do it just about every single night of my life...why would I want to put it into the daylight??!!

I've got the name and phone number for the lawyer I hope will represent me...at least I got THAT far...and that is about all...

Wanted to can beets today but realized I didn't have lids...so I went and pulled the last few pathetic little ones out of the garden, just rinsed and "prepared" them...for final disaster (LOL!! that actually made me smile)

Feeling desperate, twitchy and lost tonight. Feel like screaming at the sky - the same one that wants to snow on us...all of the "hills" around us are covered, and yes, I do feel lucky that we haven't gotten "smitten" yet, though it's just a matter of time I know.

Feeling the earth's pain tonight again, always sucks when I "feel too much". Head, just too busy.

At this rate, I just might end up with a shaven head again...need a haircut, need a raincoat, I need the sunshine, I need a good friend, I need to get laid, I need to dance, I need, I need, I need...(yes, apparently, it's ALL ABOUT ME...I hate when it's all about me, tedious, stupid and small). Pathetic.

Well you said you haven't heard from me in a while...aren't you glad you don't more often??!!!

I think about you daily and pray for you, for your's, for all, and thank God for allowing you back into my life, dear Brent.

...so tired of always being alone but always with a noisy head...

I seriously gotta find a reason to get out of bed, especially this time of year.

g'night, Bug.

~ Stupid, silly old Me

Rob Thomas Lyrics

2006-11-14T22:49:32Z

"Ever The Same"

We were drawn from the weeds
We were brave like soldiers
Falling down under the pale moonlight
You were holding to me
Like a someone broken
And I couldn't tell you but I'm telling you now

Just let me hold you while you're falling apart
Just let me hold you and we'll both fall down

Fall on me
Tell me everything you want me to be
Forever with you forever in me
Ever the same

We would stand in the wind
We were free like water
Flowing down
Under the warmth of the sun
Now it's cold and we're scared
And we've both been shaken
Hey, look at us
Man, this doesn't need to be the end

Just let me hold you while you're falling apart
Just let me hold you and we'll both fall down

Fall on me tell me everything you want me to be
Forever with you
Forever in me
Ever the same
Call on me
I'll be there for you and you'll be there for me
Forever it's you
Forever in me
Ever the same

You may need me there
To carry all your weight
But you're no burden I assure
You tide me over
With a warmth I'll not forget
But I can only give you love

Fall on me tell me everything you want me to be
Forever with you
Forever in me
Ever the same
Call on me
I'll be there for you and you'll be there for me
Forever it's you
Forever in me
Ever the same

Forever with you
Forever in me
Ever the same(Ever the same)

cancer sucks

2006-11-08T02:09:28Z

I was so stoked when I heard that Kaethe, Brent's sister, found a doner. Had a feeling it might be kind of late, but totally stoked...and with prayer, with prayer, with prayer...13 of 16 alleles matched. All sounded good. And then a very dear friend (Brent) burst into tears when I asked about her today.

(hard enough driving in a constant downpour...worlds different when the "rain in downpouring inside the vehicle" as well)

And so this email:

My very dear friend, Brent:

huh...I don't know where to start. Ok, let's try this, see where it goes...thank you so very much for calling today; always, ALWAYS wonderful to hear your voice and speak with you. Sorry to hear about you and Marni's difficult weekend. Floor does sound gorgeous, though.

I forgot about a thousand things I wanted to say/ask you and now can't think of a one. Alzheimer's. At age 42. Wouldn't surprise me.

I am so sorry to hear about Kaethe. I had a bad feeling...but she could go into remission - with enough prayer and hope and God...I'm in over-drive right now, trying to do "my part". I fear mostly for her children - and for you (probably Joel, too, though I don't know him very much anymore).

It seems to me that you are in such denial. It scares the heck out of me. For your sake. You know - or at least I hope you know - how much I love and care for you. It's a thing I couldn't even begin to try to want to understand, the possible loss of a sibling. It would shatter me completely as I so love and adore my family. I just want you to know that I am praying steadily for Kaethe, for your mother (who should never out-live a child), for you, for Joel, Scott, for the children who know her as "Aunt Kaethe". For her friends. For everyone even remotely connected to such a lovely, vibrant, bubbling, beautiful person and soul.

Sometimes, life just seems so backwards to me. Horrendous people rule the world and that is not how it should be.

Wish I could hug you. Wish I could fix "something". Maybe this sheds new life on "my job" - I have been so much more patient with him today (and peaceful) with his surgery and with some bad, very bad, news.

Please keep me updated and keep in touch, please (Please! I need your voice in my ear every now and again).

I do so love you, Brent.

~ Anjennette

My f'ing job...

2006-10-28T04:27:37Z

I "got rid of Leo" for a night and half a day...

He was trying to kill me (without trying but doing a damned good job in almost succeeding, won't go into it now; besides the fact he nearly murdered me while I was in my garden - he came flying up the driveway going about 50 mph and I had nowhere to go - as well as nearly crushing me to death with an 100 lb. desk while moving furniture out for the new carpeting - there's been more but don't even want to think about it all right now) and trying to blow up the computer - I totally lost it the other night. There was all kinds of swearing, doors slamming - I may have made him cry, but hell!!! I know he's old and all, but C'MON!!! He knows better!!!

I called his son and after listening to him gripe and moan about "whatever" - told him (and I must admit, I was rather proud of myself), "your dad might be my job. But he is still YOUR father!" - that actually got through - so after a very lengthy day of doctor's visits, running about town, etc., dropped him at his son's and they are going to the coast for "a while" tomorrow.

I know Leo figured out that I called his son but I don't really care too much.

He (Jr.) needs to spend some time with him, he needs to "take him off my hands" occasionally and yes, he IS HIS FATHER for crying out loud.

Been rather stressful lately - and Mon. through Thur. next week, doctors, doctors, doctors...I have no patience but this means Anjennette MUST sit and wait and wait and wait and...God is definitely trying to drill patience into me...with PMS and all, not working all that well at the moment - lol. I will endure as I always do...

today's horoscope

2006-10-26T02:23:51Z

hmmm...

Why are you in such a rush lately? Stop the engines and cool your jets ... because if you don't, you could be missing out on something major. Someone has been desperately trying to get your attention, but you have been so busy focused on other things that you haven't slowed down to notice them by the side of the road, trying to flag you down. They deserve a good bit of your time, even if you suspect they only want to brag. The truth is, they have an important message to give you.

internet freaking out, best do this fast!!

2006-10-16T03:11:52Z

I am so very thankfully grateful for the prayers and prayers and prayers......hope it has all been for Kaethe and that it is on time and will shed all fears. Heal, heal, heal, Baby heal...please, Baby Heal!!!!!! God Bless her soul and her longevity.

Have a wonderful time in D.C. You deserve a vaca.

I have the place where "pura vida" will be forever written on my flesh! Now, I just must find the 'tat artiste' to do the right thing and how I picture it...

it will be backwards so if read in a mirror and "enamorded" with Costa Rican foliage...just kind of came to me. "if ya gotta get a tattoo there may as well be leafage". Can truly feel the drill on me already. Seriously. Ooweeeee.....

Have a wonderful time in D.C.

~ Me

cold

2006-10-14T04:04:23Z

my soul seems to be chilled to the marrow. So cold, so cold, so...the weather isn't that bad, but I am SOOO cold...

Gay Rights

2006-10-12T20:04:26Z

Gay Rights
"Why is it that, as a culture, we are more comfortable seeing two men holding guns than holding hands?"
-- Ernest Gaines

We would like to know who really believes in gay rights on LiveJournal. There is no bribe of a miracle or anything like that. If you truly believe in gay rights, then repost this and title the post as "Gay Rights". If you don't believe in gay rights, then just ignore this. Thanks.

Lyrics

2006-10-12T20:02:15Z

"Telephone Song"

Woke up this morning I was all alone
Saw your picture by the telephone
I was missing you oh so bad
Wish I had you here to hold
All I've got is this touch-tone phone
So I guess I'll give you a call

Operator help me please
Get thru to my baby way overseas
Time's a wastin' oh so fast
Hello baby tell me is that you
I don't know what we're gonna do
But for now I'm glad I got you on the line

Well it feels so fine
Knowing you're all right
But you're miles away
Lord it's not the same

Well I woke up this morning I was all alone
Saw your picture by the telephone
I've been missing you baby oh so bad
I love you baby with all my might
Come on home and squeeze me tight
Long distance lovin's gonna drive me out of my mind

[spoken words as music fades]

You better come on home baby
I'm about to go crazy
Im tired a huggin' my pillow at night
It sure don't kiss as good as you
Know all them pictures you gave me?
Well them lips won't move at all
And them clothes in the closet
They look a lot better on you than they do on the hangers
Besides, I just can't wait to get my arms around you
Come on home

~ Stevie Ray Vaughn

Another email - with eloquence (or so I hope)

2006-10-10T02:54:34Z

My dearest friend:

Thank you so much for calling tonight. What a lovely sound, to hear your voice in my ear.

Thank you for your address. Hope you find your phone. Also hope you find my necklace!!! (I know you won't, but I keep hoping...). Anyone seen a watch in the sand lately???

Wish I knew what was really going on with you, you sounded very secretive...but that is your option, of course.

Still working on this danged apple butter - again, it might be midnight by the time it gets canned - finally coming along pretty well, though still a bit too chunky...do you like apple butter?? I thought of a million things I wanted to ask you/say to you after we decided there "wasn't anything further to discuss" - as always.

I feel I need to say one thing though...this has been bothering me a bit. GO SEE YOUR SISTER, BRENT!!! You are in far too much denial and it worries me terribly.

The lies I have been telling others and myself are also disconcerting and therefore, the crying jag I went on the other night. I have come to the conclusion that I MUST find a part-time job...I don't know what, where or how, but I need interaction. I need to feel useful, besides doing the freaking laundry and "house-wifey" shit. Since returning from Phoenix, the seclusion has been overwhelming.

K, gotta ask you something here - what is with the naming of your children? And why does one have a "normal name" and the rest make me have to think before addressing? It's been bothering me, had to ask. Please whisper to Kiersten that I love her and have been thinking about her. She is an especially precious one.

I have to tell you one thing though, Brent. If "she" tosses you out again, you are definitely MINE, MINE, MINE, MINE, MINE. No questions asked - unless you choose otherwise...actually, I know I would somehow let you down. I have always (and I do mean ALWAYS) had this vision of me living in some cabin in the mountains, all self-sufficient (gotta cut wood, carry water to survive) and caring for someone else's children. I have rarely seen a man in the picture, but there have always been two children in the scene. Maybe a past life?

I shouldn't have said that (yet I did, and no, did not delete - which I am still strongly considering...)

Don't let the sex be the defining ingredient. You have to do what is best for Brent and Brent's family - as you well know.

You asked me for my undying love and friendship - as I said, that is a definite given. You are a true gift to the planet, to the world, and to my life, and I will love you forever and always. You are one amazing solar system in yourself. You might not think so, but I have also thought so.

I'm thinking Utah...

Good night, Brent.

~ Me

balls and buckets

2006-10-05T03:58:23Z

I ask for so little ... and I am totally freaking out right now...trying to figure out where I am to go...a little in my life goes an awfully long way.

This entire "peter fiasco" is taking it's toll again. If I have to hire a lawyer and the whole D.A.'s office and all...well, I must take it into consideration. If this doesn't completely end on January 12th, I need to find a new venue. As I told you, my mother said that Montana should not be something I should aim for...so now I am considering Wyoming. I can't, I just can't, go on with the whole "he nearly killed me shit, it was all he wanted at that moment".

I had to turn on my little heater coupla' days ago, that alone just isn't right.

I dunno, I just don't know. As I said to my mother today, if he and I had just broken up, that would have been one thing...for him to spring the bounds of nonsense, completely another. Why do men think it is all right to try to murder me? I am that awful??

K, so my period came early, guess I am permeating the bad stuff now...I keep dreaming of that tall man, dark-haired...guess I will know him when I see him. In my dreams, I have told him, "you can't hurt me"

Dammit. Lost again. As always.

Montana or Wyoming anyone?

A return home

2006-10-04T03:27:47Z

Subject: "Home Again, home again"

well, I made it - safe and sound. Got a wee bit lost leaving the Eugene Airport but realized pretty quickly what I did wrong so as soon as I could, I turned myself around (and did the hokey-pokey).

Just got in. Leo is happy to have me home - I found myself driving a bit slower and slower as I got closer. At least I have my cozy bed to look forward to (just as soon as I put the clean sheets on that I was supposed to do before I left last week).

Weekend went way too quickly as they always do when you are having "the BEST VACATION EVER!!!

Thank you so much for bringing me my phone, taking me to lunch and then to the airport. That was really a treat as I didn't think I'd get to see you the last day I was there.

Hey, know what I was thinking? I'm wondering if my necklace broke somewhere in your house - perhaps in the girl's room? I smothered them with hugs (and they, me) when they gave me their sweet little token gifts (which I still think was the sweetest thing!). Or maybe downstairs when we gave each other our final hugs before you wandered off into the night with me??? I had such a lovely time with them - please let them know I really enjoyed all of them. Wish I had had more of a conversation with Marni but then that's my fault - I didn't make the effort which I really should have (sorry, but I was enjoying YOUR company and attention!)

And one last time, I do sincerely apologize for that stupid thing I said last night. I feel kind of bad about that.

Liked what you wrote in the book; thank you. And thank you for the book, too. Oh yeah! I also have new music to look forward to! Yee hah!! Love new music!

Miss you already.

Love you, my dear friend.
~ Anjennette

Actually, THIS is my favourite song right now - Cherry Tree, second

2006-09-21T02:32:26Z

DANIEL POWTER LYRICS

"Bad Day"

Where is the moment we needed the most
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
They tell me your blue skies fade to grey
They tell me your passion's gone away
And I don't need no carryin' on

You stand in the line just to hit a new low
You're faking a smile with the coffee to go
You tell me your life's been way off line
You're falling to pieces everytime
And I don't need no carryin' on

Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

Well you need a blue sky holiday
The point is they laugh at what you say
And I don't need no carryin' on

You had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day

(Oh.. Holiday..)

Sometimes the system goes on the blink
And the whole thing turns out wrong
You might not make it back and you know
That you could be well oh that strong
And I'm not wrong

So where is the passion when you need it the most
Oh you and I
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost

Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
You've seen what you like
And how does it feel for one more time
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

Had a bad day
Had a bad day
Had a bad day
Had a bad day
Had a bad day

My latest favourite song

2006-09-21T02:24:37Z

KT TUNSTALL LYRICS

"Black Horse & The Cherry Tree"

(woo-hoo, woo-hoo) [throughout the whole song]

Well my heart knows me better than I know myself
So I'm gonna let it do all the talking.
I came across a place in the middle of nowhere
With a big black horse and a cherry tree.

I fell in fear, upon my back
He said "Don't look back, just keep on walking."
When the big black horse said, "Hey lady!"
Said, "Look this way, will you marry me?"

But I said no, no, no, no-no-no
I said no, no, you're not the one for me
No, no, no, no-no-no
I said no, no, you're not the one for me

And my heart had a problem, in the early hours,
So I stopped it dead for a beat or two.
But I cut some cord, and I shouldn't have done that,
And it won't forgive me after all these years

So I sent it to a place in the middle of nowhere
With a big black horse and a cherry tree.
Now it won't come back, cause it's oh so happy
And now I've got a hole for the world to see

But I said no, no, no, no-no-no
I said no, no, you're not the one for me
No, no, no, no-no-no
Said no, no, you're not the one for me

Said no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
You're not the one for me
No, no, no, no, no, no
You're not the one for me

(do, do, do, do)

Well I was
Big black horse and a cherry tree
I can't quite get there 'cause my heart's forsaken me
Big black horse and a cherry tree
(Big black horse and a cherry tree) I can't quite get there 'cause my heart's forsaken me
(Big black horse and a cherry tree) I can't quite get there 'cause my heart's forsaken me
(Big black horse and a cherry tree) I can't quite get there 'cause my heart's forsaken me
No, no, no, no
(Big black horse and a cherry tree) I can't quite get there 'cause my heart's forsaken me
No, no, no, no
(Big black horse and a cherry tree) I can't quite get there 'cause my heart's forsaken me
(Big black horse and a cherry tree) I can't quite get there 'cause my heart's forsaken me
(Big black horse and a cherry tree) I can't quite get there 'cause my heart's forsaken me
I can't quite get there cause my heart's forsaken me
(Big black horse and a cherry tree) I can't quite get there 'cause my heart's forsaken me
(Big black horse and a cherry tree) I can't quite get there 'cause my heart's forsaken me

Lyrics I hear when I hear this are so much different - I keep hearing "you're not the ONE for me". We take from something what we choose and this is what I choose.

Arizona

2006-09-21T02:18:15Z

Email to my ex-husband:

Well, as I am always harping on my mother, if you are going out of town, you need to at least let ONE person know.

On Thurs., the 28th, I am going to Arizona for the weekend. A friend of mine has leukemia and, since upon learning of this when I was in Florida, a little voice has been piping away in my head. I finally really listened to it and decided that yes, I would much rather see her once more alive than spend the money (and it would be upon shorter notice, of course, so that much more costly), and go to her funeral. I will return Mon. night. Have to fly out of Eugene but that is MUCH (!!!) better than having to go all the way to Portland.

I have not informed any of my family members as of this time as I only scheduled everything yesterday evening, but also, the fact remains that this very well might compromise my Christmas visit. It's a bunch of money. Something that might upset a bunch of em. You, too, I'm sure, but not the "vengence of the family".

My flight leaves Eugene at 2:14 PM Thursday, I will have to leave here most likely, 3 hours in advance (an hour to drive, time to find the long-term parking, shuttle, check-in baggage and all that crap) and arrive at 5:14 PM. The hotel is only a mile from the airport with complimentary shuttle service. I leave at 4:17 PM on Monday, to arrive back here at 6:48. Then again, the hour drive. Just thought someone ought to know, in the event that I "vanish from the face of the planet". You will at least be able to let authorities know where I was headed and at what times.

Oh! My bed is a "sleep number" bed! Kind of excited to see how THAT works! I'm sure, though, that the bed Leo bought for me a year ago is still better, but we'll see.

Leo doesn't even know I'm leaving yet, as he is in Bend with his son until sometime tomorrow.

Trip is costing me dearly. Not sure I'll be able to eat much so it's a good thing that I DON'T eat much!!

With Leo gone, have had doors open, though it's rather "breezy" (ok, let's admit it - cold and rainy), but it airs the place out. I had to run into town (smoke run!!) and went to close his bedroom door (he has a screen). This GIGANTIC (!!!!!!) spider came flying in - it is the size of a baby tarantula - I am not kidding!! Fat and dark brown...so I reopened the door, hoping that it will go back out - so far, not happening. Freaking me out, every time my clothing shifts or something tickles, I am ABSOLUTELY CERTAIN it is upon me!!! YEEEEEEEEK!!!

Might leave the door open all night in hopes that it figures out how to get back outdoors. Awful thing! Great big, fat furry brown legs...oh man! I'm still all itchy!!

Hope everything is good with you - was sure nice chatting with you the other evening.

Love,

~ Me

Phoenix-bound! (yikes!!)

2006-09-20T04:12:53Z

Well, I did it! I made reservations for a nice hotel and airlines stuff to go to Phoenix next Thurs. through Mon. Actually spent the money and everything. Leo had better not freak out on me as I can't stand to lose nearly $900 which I really don't even have - this could compromise my Xmas plans for CA but I am not ready for the rain (which was DELUGE most of the day, though a few days ago they claimed it would be close to 80 and sunny, sunny, sunny - Oregonians sure do lie about the weather, tell ya what!)

And got this real short email from Brent today - before he knew I had made the plans, stating that he and Marni (wife) had an oh-so-lovely weekend when he simply asked her to try to be positive; think before something negative comes out of her mouth. Guess it was a 24-hour barrage of nightmare which ensued thereafter.

Might be "free-range time" for me again! Sounds like she's about to kick him out again...if she gets word of me arriving, she will definitely back-peddle, I am sure, though she doesn't know a whole lot about me, to my knowledge. But still...

Not putting a whole lot of stock into actually having sex again and I will NOT ruin a family!! Just looking forward to spending time at the pool; invited him and his entire family to spend a day at the pool also. Or, just the girls and I will watch over them.

Would love to see his sister, Cathy, one more time before she is gone. Leukemia. I don't know if she even remembers me or if she will feel comfortable with someone there, but we will see.

The hotel isn't quite the "spa treatment" that I was hoping for, but the place I really did want to stay at was another $50 which I just don't have. Food will be difficult alone. Has a "sleep number bed" which I am rather excited in checking out. I am good at entertaining myself, and it's a darned good thing, too, considering where I live. I'll read, maybe (hopefully) do a little artwork or journaling, take some pictures, stuff like that. Just not ready to let my fabulous tan turn to Oregonian-white yet.

Rather surprised that I did it but it made me feel so much more peaceful after I actually booked everything. Not even sure how much I will see Brent or his family, as he works incredulous hours. But that is not what this trip is really about. It's about Taking Care of Me. Something that I just don't do. "Pamper The Toots".

Slept most of the day today. Was kind of thinking of going back to that women's group but overslept - woke up at 10:10 and needed a shower and then the 20 minute drive down the mountain. Would have only made it minutes before the class ended at 11:30. So I went back to bed at 10:45 and read a while - it was raining and sleep sounded like a better option than having to look at it and do laundry. That can keep until tomorrow. Also need to go to the dump.

Had a wonderful conversation with my girlfriend, Sandi in Oklahoma last night. Haven't caught up with her in a while and we stayed up way too late. She is such a true treasure.

Hoping my skin clears up very soon and that I lose a few pounds before I consider putting on a suit again. The pics from CA a month or so ago were AWFUL of me - geez! Talk about a beached whale!! I am a firm believer than even fat looks better tanned. But still...wouldn't mind looking halfway decent for a change!

a little P.S. msg. to Brent:

I was chatting on IM last night with my "White Witch" friend, Sandi in Oklahoma last night. Been ages since I've been able to track her down and we had quite the wonderful conversation.

During it, the cat (who strictly lives outside unless I let him in when it's FREEZING out) was very perturbed that we have not been giving him enough attention. Leo set up this "self-feeding program" for him so he really doesn't get much attention and last night he was DETERMINED (!!!) for some. So he broke into the house - kept working and working and working on the screen door until he finally got it open. And then was glued to me like bacon grease (or whatever your choice of word there might be). At one point, he was actually upside-down on my lap and then draped all around behind me. It was hilarious.

He "let himself back out" and I went and took my pill. He decided to come back in, unbeknownst to me. He wiped me out in the kitchen! I did a lovely swan-dive into the cabinets and I am surprised that I didn't bust my collarbone. Taking my pill and staying up a while afterwards puts me off balance as it is, so I am also surprised I didn't take out my face or head or something. Very bruised (deep, deep bruise) all over upper chest/ collarbone. Thanks, cat!

Should be nice and purple by the time I arrive there next week. Just thought I should warn ya - no, no one has been beating on me again. Just the cat and his penchance for attacking your ankles and feet with great force.

Just thought I'd share!

Hope you had a good day. Have a wonderful evening as well.

~ Me (again)

Smiled. I get to see Brent again - before it's been another 24 years!

A Mini Breakup with a Friend

2006-09-14T02:19:33Z

My dearest Brent:

I could write a novella of my day. And I very well might. I do so hope you had one as well.

September 12th, Had a Good Day.

The sun will be departing on Thursday. Looked online, and though I thought there wouldn't be any after today, learned that the sun is still supposed to come out tomorrow. Again, a VERY good day!! It is nearly 9PM and it's about 75 degrees. God is with me.

Right on!

Spent 4-1/2 hours down by the river. Absorbed as much sunshine as humanly possible. Took in the gifts of solitude, of God, of "quiet" and respite, as was allowable. Only returned because I was "dying of thirst". And, of course, had to check on Leo.

I am tanned (for the time being) and feeling quite the lovely "rock lizard" I love to be. Communed with fish, with water, with wind (that continuously changed directions every moment or so. Sometimes, it actually caressed from every direction. I literally had a sense of North, South, East and West) - with a gorgeous azure sky (and not one cloud to be accounted for! - yay!!!), a fellow lizard that ran by (heard, did not see, unfortunately). Fish - of five generations - repeatedly came out to "check me out". As did this tiny little threesome of nubies at "right the "right time". No snakes. That's always a good thing! Though I was totally petrified that one might lash out!

It was an amazing day.

I need to document this day.

I spoke - and was spoken to - by so many long ago lives. I briefly spoke to you and heard you say, "busy now" something about "come back later" - but you were busy (no problem, it was ALL good). My father stroked the back of my neck at least once. My beloved Grandmother was there for quite some time. It was Nirvana. (not the Dad-part but then I guess we are making his transition and my passing eventually)

I was lonely and oh, so twitchy for the first hour or so. So bloody tired of doing "every thing alone". I need to carry this sense of well-being with me. Always. When the rain (yeesh, awful word) starts; When the depression tries to crash in. When I just want to give up because it is so all mundane.

Huh. If I can live off one day, I might actually be able "make it".

Right on.

Oh. These last words are difficult to type. Cuz I don't want to. heck...

Well, I guess I have to.

We both know where we stand. We both know our strengths, our weaknesses, our thoughts, our wishes, our needs. But I can't ruin a family. I could not live with myself if I did so. - oh heck - heck.................oh, golly.

Gotta move forward, Anjennette. Gotta move forward.

I still can see you, oh so clearly, in your Mexican poncho (it was blue, white, gray and your eyes, there was something of a rose in your mouth (cheesy!!). Never felt like "that" for ya, but you were so pretty. And always my "huggy-bear".

I know you love me, I know you always will. And, dear Brent. If I had only taken ONE of your proposals seriously; well, I think it would have been a good time of laughing, a good time of joy. I honestly think of you as the most incredible person I have ever had the delight of knowing. For 24 years, I have been bragging about you. Ask Mary Coffin. Ask Dora. Ask Mari. Ask Holly. Ask Leo. He has heard an ear-full - ask my family; I was actually wishing that you became a vetranarian. I think we ... well, never mind...

We went over so many things; and we are definitely connected! I brag about you - and have - correct me if I'm wrong - for over 24 years.

You beautfiul, beautiful boy.

I can't believe the things (and was rather astounded) that I remember of knowing you, of your family, of movements and such. Heck. Heck......(felt a bit of "passing" there)

Seeing (from the lab on the third floor) and not being able to look at you because you had this absolute HALO about you. And I pointed it out to anyone who might listen.

Ho-kay...

Had a good day. So torn. So, so torn.

Devil keeps trying to emit.

Halo-hello. I thank you for everything. You ARE remarkable.

yeah, we'll get through this as well.

His Response:

Subject Line: You Are A Warrior

And I believe in the future
We shall suffer no more
Maybe not in my lifetime
But in yours I feel sure
Song dogs barking at the break of dawn
Lightning pushes the edges of a thunderstorm
And these streets
Quiet as a sleeping army
Send their battered dreams to heaven, to heaven
For the mothers restless daughter
YOU ARE a witness to, YOU ARE a warrior
Who denies his urge to break and run

Anjennette,

Thinking of you quite constantly. Had an image, maybe a vision, of a girl with dark hair, slender, fragile, vulnerable - seated alone in night clothes - hands tied behind her back.

Is this how you feel? Don't feel like a prisoner in your own life when you have so much to offer everyone, every spirit.

Your moon...I saw the same moon, the same night...and wondered if you would see it...calcuations of time and space showed yes...it was amazing...

I would not let myself promote a thought that would jepordize my family. You would not respect or love me if I broke my promises. Our time together has improved my moral and some improvement in my marriage has been realized. You were great therapy.

Your love for me is beautiful and I regret nothing. Regret is like guilt; both attempt to turn you from God and Good. Are troubles really lessons? Are they for cleansing the impurities from your spirit? Previously I have suggested this, today I think differently:

All these challanges point us in one direction - to ask one person for help. God is there to help lift us up when we are tired. God directs no ill will towards us - but only wants for us to be happy, to love ourselves and love Him. What is faith?

You asked me about investments. Invest in yourself. Learn Radiology and become independant. You will always have work and can move anywhere you want. You can live simply and quietly and with who you want to live with. If you want to work with the elderly, I can get you an interview with my mother in law. She works at a retirement home. Do you want me to ask? Set a goal, break it up into smaller goals, do it!

I want you to be a friend of the family - a great friend that visits often, there is nothing that would prevent or disuade that.

Love Always,
Brent

Oh, hell!!! (and I do mean HELL!!!)

2006-09-12T02:46:54Z

Very bad news, folks. Well, not for YA'LL, but...(might be - hee hee hee, sometimes I'm kinda funny! Never know if I'll just show up on your doorstep! Scary!!!)

Just learned tonight on the Eugene, OR News that tomorrow is officially our very last day of summer. That absolutely horrible 4-letter word starts on Thursday...AND it's gonna be 30 degrees colder...yeesh...gonna have to wear clothes! I mean, CLOTHES!!! Socks, shoes, the whole ensamble...which will make my feet (and me) oh, so cranky!!! And then that wet crap falling out of the sky on top of it??!! You gotta be KIDDING me!!

At least this year, I know when it's all gonna start...told Leo we might have to move to Arizona for the winter...or Florida...or Fiji...Greece anyone??? Hey! Australia! I got a friend who lives there, too! Hmmm...never been to Singapore either, come to think of it...and half of my beloved family in California...(although my skin has still not recovered...I seem to be allergic to California).

Sorry, just had to vent...and this might not be the last of it, either (MIGHT NOT BE??!!! ha!!!).

I do so hope all of you are well. I think of you all on a routine basis.

Love to all,
~ Anjennette

(ironically apropos that I learned of this on the fifth anniversary of 9/11...and I mean no disrespect in any sense!)

A Loving Goodbye

2006-09-10T06:13:53Z

Now I am sharing . What are you reading?

Me - Zen and the art of Motorcycle Maintenance (who'd a thunk it)

told ya about that already...move on...

What's your favorite tv show?

Me - Jim Cramer's mad money (buy, buy, buy)

In addition to CSI, Court TV, (used to be "World News Tonight" for 17 years, but when I lost Peter Jennings, well...(only dependable man I have ever known - he was "always THERE" AND!!!! imagine this!!! Told the TRUTH!! loved that man; he was always there for dinner, too!), I still try to watch at least once or twice a week at least) - when I find Bill Maher, love to watch that - don't always agree but usually I do (especially with his lovely rants and anger at "this administration" - never realized until 6 years ago that I was a democrat...thought I was a "fence sitter" (he ain't MY president!!!)

what's your favorite movie seen this year?

Me - ?

Never got to see the latest "Pirates" - almost went, lonely by one's self though - can't discuss afterwards

What's your favorite sport?

Me - hockey, and coming soon, MC racing

Football and Hockey - Chicago teams still, of course - if I find a Bears game or Blackhawks, I nearly loose my mind! Yee-Hah!!! I enjoy most sports. In moderation, of course. As with anything.

Where is your favorite place to visit?

Me - Maritimes...but CA is a close second.....

Huh...I'd have to say CA cuz I've got family there - and love those little ones!!!! And once in a while, a friend might show up, making it even more enjoyable - I don't think I've actually found "my favourite place to visit" - I still think it may be Greece, Italy, Rome??? Places I will never see. Who knows??!! Have a friend in Germany I'd like to drum up, probably never happen. PA for reunion felt comfortable, your brother was there, that was cool!

Still working on my "favourite animal" - keep returning to Syberian Tiger. Always wanted to live right on the beach, huge all-glass wall, white sand up to the door, bed flocked with mosquito netting, white tile floor, big kitchen, (me, skinny), and watch this mammoth of a gorgeous creature come pad, pad, padding up with his incredible paws into the house - and I'd open this big ole steel-encased deep freezer and toss his (or her - I'm equal opportunity!!) half a side of beef. And I always wanted TWO!!! Male and a Female! They'd devour me alive, I do know...though I do believe I am Doctor DooLittle - - total fantasy, I'm well aware.

Hey! I need to invest in something - I don't think I'm going to continue this "Leo gig" for too, too much longer" - (not quite sure what that means but I gotta take care of me) - any ideas? And please, don't take me to "the dark side" - I couldn't live with myself if my money was blowing people up. Just a whisper of somethin, if you know...I don't have much (much????) a-hem!! Just something that might assist in finding me a new habitat - hey! A zoo might be cool! "hey-Haaaey! Look at that crazy, CRAAAAZY BITCH gal! Oh my! Look at that! Look at THAT!!! Seems we got one, two, four a d'em right at home! Kind of zoo IS this?? Thought we were seeing something NEW!!" (being originally from Chicago, that was all said in one very large black man's voice - can even describe him! HA!!!!!)

Sometimes I'm kinda funny.

Dangit! I miss you on weekends. I gotta get over this.

Ah-hah!

k... So I am way the heck out "in nowhere". Lonely. Lonely, and oh, so bored with EVERYTHING. I am going through so much drama that just won't go away. I keep wishing for quiet and peace. I live in quiet and peace every day - the quiet is nearly deafening; it's the outside and inner turmoil that fucks it all up. I miss so much. I miss nonsense and children and shreiking and doing what they are doing, and wanting to colour or paint or run and shreik, or ... And I really don't ask for much - this is a beautiful, gorgeous place (minus the continuous never-ending (four-letter word here; starts with "r") - that never-ending "r" word...

hmmmmm...should I be paying you for therapy??

Did I mention that I miss you on weekends?

Alright, once again, you will be spending the first six hours of your day just reading my babble.

Dear Friend...You aren't "torn between two ninjas" - you are a married man, for better or worse. You have four gorgeous daughters and one beautiful wife. I love you, Brent. I always have. I always will. And your family is oh, so dear to me, hope they all know that. We have to do what is right.

(think my heart exploded - tell me I'm wrong) - dang it all! hate when I know I'm actually right!!!!

The Nightmarish Drama That Won't Quit

2006-09-09T23:21:01Z

A cop arrived with a supoena for "that guy's" trial which (I believe I mentioned) is January 12th (his bday). I was hoping to just let everything fall where they may and walk away from all of it. Now I am unable to do so...so back to the courtroom with him in it...makes my stomach so sick and the shaking started up again. Groovy. Hoping the shaking is just a temporary thing and that it will stop really, really soon. Praying so and determined to make it BE so! It pisses me off so bad! After two months, I finally stopped and now it has returned...bastard!!! Hope he rots in hell!!

Just can't seem to get out from under this. Everytime I'm thinking that I'm finally moving on, I get blind-sided again. D.A.'s office must believe they have a strong case; that's what the officer said also, that since I'm being served six months in advance, they believe they have a strong case. I thought I did for the restraining order nonsense, too - everyone else thought so, also.

I need to contact the D.A.'s office and request a copy of the original arrest report - see if he told the arresting officers at the time that I had "strick him" with my fists. And then I need to request a couple names of lawyers who handle this kind of bullshit. A voice told me that I am "not to go this alone"; I need representation this time around; can't do another courtroom fiasco like the joke of the contesting of the Restraining Order.

(I am kind of enjoying the irony that the trial is on his birthday! Especially if it doesn't go well for him)

A note to my friend, Brent (email)

2006-09-05T02:45:36Z

Hey, you!

Miss you.........

Hope you and family had a lovely long weekend. All I wish for is a blinking BBQ WITH FRIENDS....well, got the bbq, just no friends!

Contemplating actually going down to the river (Big Umpqua - not North or South, we actually live on The Big Umpqua - jolly for us!!!) for one last tanning session. Have only been down there once this summer season. And that just isn't right! But we do have this "situation" with a neighbour - "Buzz" - had to slap a restraining order on him as he was terrorizing Leo and myself. So that is a good portion of the problem; I know, if he saw me down there, he'd make himself scary.

So! If I DO go down to the river and be a lizard, might also include becoming a statistic. Naw, it'll all be fine, I'm sure. I could kick his ass to hell and back and that's a fact. (pineapple, pineapple, pineapple)

Leo wants to go to Bend, OR (Bend O'R???? sounds like a shitbox to me) within the next coupla' weeks. Overnight, a couple nights. Go into the lava tubes.

Terrified of the rain starting again. Absolutely terrified of it. Hey! Maybe we'll make our way to Arizona this winter! There is usually sun there, right?!!! (I know the answer to that, please don't make me think I'm 'tarded). Thought about going to FL also, for the sunshine...we might have to do some traveling this winter. Just to "save my (ahem!) sanity". What little there is left.

Leo keeps calling me "My Love" the last couple days...yeesh...rain comes, he keeps calling me that, I very well might not be responsible...

(again - "ha - ha", please...might talk tough but I'm just a big old marshmallow - and squishy around the middle, too! )

Again, hope you had a very relaxing and enjoyable weekend, my friend.

Hope all is well. As I mentioned, Miss you!

~ Me