Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in anjennette's LiveJournal:

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Wednesday, September 10th, 2008
8:18 pm	Yikes... ( You are about to view content that may not be appropriate for minors. ) Current Mood: anxious Current Music: non-home-Home -- Leo's (Comment on this)
Sunday, August 17th, 2008
1:48 am	Horoscope Wow...these couldn't be more right on... Today is Sunday, August 17th, 2008: oh golly! Was just "told" that today is Monday...I didn't know THAT!! Any hoodles... this was Saturday: Your mind soars with this cycle, Gemini, and whilst many of your considerations are confusing or baffling, there is so much depth to this energy. Life as you know it is under the microscope for alteration, with relocation, long term travel, internal reflection, ideals and spiritual leanings all feeling the effects. Embrace this moment as life becomes less about today and more about tomorrow. Sunday: There is no beating around the bush today, Gemini, as a situation reaches a climactic point. New job opportunities are on the cards, and new love can shift to serious, or over, as discussions take a more serious twist. You express your needs in ways that are irrefutable by others. Ok, thennnnn..."today" (still seriously thought today was Sunday!! Good to know as I have to pick up Leo from the bus station Thursday night! (Like I have good night vision or something -- and SOMEONE was 'posed to help me but never mind that!!)): and so, being 2+ hours in a day that has been so called "Monday": There is no beating around the bush today, Gemini, as a situation reaches a climactic point. New job opportunities are on the cards, and new love can shift to serious, or over, as discussions take a more serious twist. You express your needs in ways that are irrefutable by others and if they don't join your path, you will simply walk on without them. WITHOUT them... And I hope job opps are out there...and "new love"???!!!! HA!!!! and yes, I will simply walk away...after 17 truckloads taking my shit out of there. Well, there ya go...horoscopes have been ridiculed for eons. These seem to be "dead on". ('cept for the "new love" crap...yick...unless I turn Lesbo...may have been fun 'cept for the fact that I have no desire for women...). If anyone cares, Just -- ~ Me Current Mood: sigh Current Music: just plain old silence...not bad actually (Comment on this)
1:01 am	a portion of an email to my ex-sis-in-law As I mentioned in previous msg., life is really crappy right now. Probably moving back to Leo's but I can't be here with him 24/7 as it is not good for either of us (he stops hearing and doing a danged thing for him (can't remove his dinnerware from the table, has "no idea" where the dishwasher is, makes stupid requests of me any time of the day, etc., etc., etc.,) as I am always one step ahead and ALWAYS take care of "every thing" and I just want to throttle him). Not sure of where I will move to next nor do I know if he (Leo) will let me have the car...it's in my name, he told me it's "mine", but if he decides to be an ass (he's a man, could he be any different...sorry, shouldn't say that. He truly is a lovely man but I could so see him be "difficult" -- AHEM!!). He would hate to see me go as I would hate to leave him... Hotter n' a holy fuck and even his thermostat, you need to have a Masters to operate (trust me, tried punching every button and then in unison...) HA! I typed "Unisom" -- perhaps need some sleep. Not a freaking breeze... Trying very hard to not ... very hard to not "feel"... things have come to quite a head with Gil and I...guess I gotta go back and pack my shit. And goly shit...I tried. If ANYONE has ever with that man, it's been me. And trust me, I lived with Steve. And this has been one full bag of beans. If I go though, will have to probably leave Missy (my beloved kitty) as it will be tough for her and if she gets out, and take her with, with her gift of desertion, Leo's cat, Rocky will beat the holy crap out of her and he's HUGE. And I don't want to go through another Katie episode. And then if I move on...how will she follow? Ok, heart just broke. Shit. Don't bother crying for the ruined year or the man I'm "losing", freaking fucking ANIMALS will wreck me every time. All I can say about myself is that I am a pretty decent (well, at least 3/4% decent) person and when I try to make a "go of it", I put in 300%. And am always blamed (because they can't take responsibility for themselves) for it failing. Whatever. Life moves on and so should I. I know! Pretty upbeat shit I'm feeding you, isn't it?!! Wow...just felt a hair's brush of breeze...ahhh...oh heck. Gone now. I love you, EB and I am glad that you and I have reconnected. Hope we stay so. You still planning on visiting So. Cal in another week or so? Hope you can stay with Suze as neither you nor I can afford a hotel. Mothers and Daughters have such a difficult relationship. But I also cannot "afford" the day my mother leaves this planet. Golly, well if there's no breeze, then I'm sure "breezy" aren't I? HA!!! Best part about my day was I went onto my old gamesite (one I used to practically live at) and found and old friend and he gave me a fabulous history lesson about Indians and stuff. It was remarkable how much he knows and gave me the name/writer of a book I have been wanting to read for some time. It's been about 2 or more years since he and I last spoke and also amazing as neither or us get online much nor play at that same site. And pls don't think I'm looking for another man. Good Lord In Heaven!!!! Who needs one of THOSE???? (seriously!) There used to be a good group of us that would play on Sun. afternoons and geez and golly did we about kill ourselves and each other with laughter!!! Ok, enough babble. Bye, EB. for now. Current Mood: complacent Current Music: Just listenin' to the Olympics (Comment on this)
Monday, July 7th, 2008
9:33 pm	An email to Steve's sister "EB" Hey there! I'm glad you and Rod get together weekly. That's cool and so good for you and probably for him as well. I totally understand about not wanting to know what is going on in your old home. I still miss my tiny little house that I had by myself for over three years. LOVED that little place. And I had this fantastic outside yard with a tree and chimes and a birdbath and kitties that loved to play out there. Tiny little patio. Only 6 people were ever allowed to enter. It was my "SAFE PLACE". And then I got together with Steve...last of the "safe place" -- lol -- kinda' lol?!! I know that the pics I emailed weren't very good. Dig. camera isn't the best. And that was last year's produce. Not expecting much this year and it's so disheartening. The weeds are doing fantastic but everything else??? Pumpkin is doing the best thus far and besides pumpkin pie...what else do ya do with it??!! As I said, disheartening. Glad you had something to do for the Fourth. Sorry it made you feel sad but I do so understand. We went grocery shopping......woooo.....hoooo....and then grilled out. Gosh, what a whole different day...snork. How did your mom sound on her bday? I really wanted to call but didn't know if she'd be able to hear me at all. Please, next time you speak to her, please tell her I think of her and fondly quite often. Haven't tried to call Steve again. Really need to get those divorce papers filled out. Only reason I haven't is because I truly need the insurance for meds. I can't afford my bi-polar one without ins. as it's over $300 a month. And who has THAT kinda dough??? Not to mention the other ones I take daily. [Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<sorry [...] i'm>') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.] Hey there! I'm glad you and Rod get together weekly. That's cool and so good for you and probably for him as well. I totally understand about not wanting to know what is going on in your old home. I still miss my tiny little house that I had by myself for over three years. LOVED that little place. And I had this fantastic outside yard with a tree and chimes and a birdbath and kitties that loved to play out there. Tiny little patio. Only 6 people were ever allowed to enter. It was my "SAFE PLACE". And then I got together with Steve...last of the "safe place" -- lol -- kinda' lol?!! I know that the pics I emailed weren't very good. Dig. camera isn't the best. And that was last year's produce. Not expecting much this year and it's so disheartening. The weeds are doing fantastic but everything else??? Pumpkin is doing the best thus far and besides pumpkin pie...what else do ya do with it??!! As I said, disheartening. Glad you had something to do for the Fourth. Sorry it made you feel sad but I do so understand. We went grocery shopping......woooo.....hoooo....and then grilled out. Gosh, what a whole different day...snork. How did your mom sound on her bday? I really wanted to call but didn't know if she'd be able to hear me at all. Please, next time you speak to her, please tell her I think of her and fondly quite often. Haven't tried to call Steve again. Really need to get those divorce papers filled out. Only reason I haven't is because I truly need the insurance for meds. I can't afford my bi-polar one without ins. as it's over $300 a month. And who has THAT kinda dough??? Not to mention the other ones I take daily. <sorry about the racket, I'm eating a radish> Wish I could afford to send you some of my jams. They are fantastic though most are made with sugar. Phenomenal though! The pear butter turned out great and tastes just like apple butter. You like? I have two little kittens living on our front doorstep. We have several feral cats that came with the place and "Mama Cat" just got picked off. Shame as she was a nice kitty. She gives birth to some of the sweetest kitties around. The dad went missing some time ago (not a problem as he needed to go because of population problems and feeding ($$). They are quite wild but cute as bugs. Won't leave the front as they "never know when they might be caught unawares and "miss a meal". There is one that I absolutely adore. Her name is Peaches and I wish I could find a home for her. She is just the sweetest! However, her brother, "Buddy", keeps raping her and beating her up and he definitely needs to go. I think she has another infection (the last one almost killed her and I did everything in my power to save her and now this one comes right one it's heals). I tried to find her tonight to giver her "special dinner" but only Buddy out there and no Peachy-Peach. Did I tell you how very sorry I was to hear that Rabbit died? That's very sad. Very sad. Quite interesting he hopped into Bean's lap. Sometimes animals know so much more than we do. Still sad though. And I am very sorry for your loss. He was a little sweetie. Though he was skittish with me, I sure loved his company when me and Mom were there. Handsome boy. The "boys" are out busy working on the workshop. They have been working on this on and off for some time. I actually get a work table! For a while there, it was looking like a "no girls allowed" fortress. But Gil finally heard what I was saying about having some "special quite project time together" and allowed me in. Well, I haven't gotten in there yet, so we'll see. I have this fantastic project that I am just chomping away to get at. It's something I bought quite some time ago on eBay. I bought one for my sister too, but too expensive to send to her so never did (the other one is in my $$$$$!!!!! storage unit in CA). It's an angel (gorgeous!!!) that has her arm around a bowl. I had a plant in it (croaked) but you could put soaps, towels, just about whatever you wanted in it. The highest wing is probably 6-7" and very detailed. I plan on doing her wings in white with gold highlights, light blue, bit of light pinkie-pink, and the bowl itself is very elaborate. I will send you a pic if I ever get it finished. It's going to be a very time consuming project but it's been driving me nuts to get to it. Keep planning out the colours, etc. And yes, I know what you went through in your marriage. Well, as much as you told me, that's why I knew you would understand. I swear, this guy is sometimes certifiable. And his second wife gave him just as much PTSD as that "Police Action" (that's not right -- what is the correct wording that they used for that nightmare that has ruined so many men's lives??? Oh. After asking, I guess I was correct. Put that one on the calendar. hee hee). He hasn't had a one of his nightmares in quite some time thankfully. I used to have to almost crawl on top of him and physically hold him down. The downside is the ex, Lorna. She slept with most of her office and everyone in between. And when he is in his "haunts", he accuses me of everything that she did to him. And it is B-R-U-T-A-L. I've never cheated on anyone in my life nor do I ever intend to. Any hoodles... Well I finally wrote back. I didn't answer all of your questions or commented on it all but then I'd have to go digging it all out. Oh! I made Lizzie (the chocolate lab) some dog cookies the other night. They are made of wheat flour, cheddar cheese, and something else (oh! MILK!) and I keep snacking on them they are so good! I'll try to attach a pic for ya, you might get a giggle. Hope you are well, my friend. Lots of love, ~ Me (and if you'd like some jam, I will do what I can to send you some. There is Pear Butter, Apple Butter, Red Plum (THAT (!!!!!) was the ultimate!!!, Peach, Blackberry, Apricot (might be out of that), Lemony Peach, did a whole bunch of beets (do you like pickled beets?)...can't remember what else, if there is anything else. Let me know what you might like if any.) oh. And I have been a crocheting idiot. I've made nearly 30 hats and scarfs. Still working on more. I was going to give them all away to homeless. But then my gf in CA mentioned that she is doing a 2 day 40 mi. walk for Breast Cancer Awareness and though I can't contribute money, asked if she could find out about me donating some of the hats/scarfs to women going through chemo. Haven't heard back but I think that might be one of the directions I would like to go in. I am trying to do something "good for the cause" -- whatever cause that might be -- and trying to get past my own nose. I want to do something to help people. Make some sort of difference. I know that's why I am here. And I also know what you mean about being in nature. I have finally found it, though it does have it's down sides. No friends, way too much rain and drear. But I have finally found a bit of silence. And that is what I have craved all of my life, EB. I know you also. I suggest Oregon if you can figure it. But you'd definitely need to "branch out" to make an acquaintance or two as it gets highly "broad" out here. I can decipher a lot of animal calls (somehow, unexpectedly, I have figured these out. Must be a great big compliment to Animal Plant - lol). Ok, I seriously need to scrounge something for dinner as it's nearly 9:30. Again, love and hugs, ~ Me PS I wanted to attach the pics of the cookies I made for Lizzie (you'd get a smile) but after busting through all my pics, realized that one is on Gil's camera. I'll try to send it off to you sometime after I download his camera into his file. Been really gabby tonight. Time to shut up and eat. hee hee hee... Current Mood: chipper Current Music: none (Comment on this)
Wednesday, November 29th, 2006
5:32 am	a msg. to Brent...after a very long while... Would you - or someone you know - just call and make an appointment with a lawyer for me? I gotta "put all of this on someone else's shoulders for a while"...I don't know what is wrong with me... Actually, I do. I continually deal with all of this shit, it just keeps on running around and around and around in my head - and I keep trying to run away from it (not working out so very well) and to have to actually "go through it all again", just seems too much...but it needs to be done. I do it just about every single night of my life...why would I want to put it into the daylight??!! I've got the name and phone number for the lawyer I hope will represent me...at least I got THAT far...and that is about all... Wanted to can beets today but realized I didn't have lids...so I went and pulled the last few pathetic little ones out of the garden, just rinsed and "prepared" them...for final disaster (LOL!! that actually made me smile) Feeling desperate, twitchy and lost tonight. Feel like screaming at the sky - the same one that wants to snow on us...all of the "hills" around us are covered, and yes, I do feel lucky that we haven't gotten "smitten" yet, though it's just a matter of time I know. Feeling the earth's pain tonight again, always sucks when I "feel too much". Head, just too busy. At this rate, I just might end up with a shaven head again...need a haircut, need a raincoat, I need the sunshine, I need a good friend, I need to get laid, I need to dance, I need, I need, I need...(yes, apparently, it's ALL ABOUT ME...I hate when it's all about me, tedious, stupid and small). Pathetic. Well you said you haven't heard from me in a while...aren't you glad you don't more often??!!! I think about you daily and pray for you, for your's, for all, and thank God for allowing you back into my life, dear Brent. ...so tired of always being alone but always with a noisy head... I seriously gotta find a reason to get out of bed, especially this time of year. g'night, Bug. ~ Stupid, silly old Me (Comment on this)
Tuesday, November 14th, 2006
10:49 pm	Rob Thomas Lyrics "Ever The Same" We were drawn from the weeds We were brave like soldiers Falling down under the pale moonlight You were holding to me Like a someone broken And I couldn't tell you but I'm telling you now Just let me hold you while you're falling apart Just let me hold you and we'll both fall down Fall on me Tell me everything you want me to be Forever with you forever in me Ever the same We would stand in the wind We were free like water Flowing down Under the warmth of the sun Now it's cold and we're scared And we've both been shaken Hey, look at us Man, this doesn't need to be the end Just let me hold you while you're falling apart Just let me hold you and we'll both fall down Fall on me tell me everything you want me to be Forever with you Forever in me Ever the same Call on me I'll be there for you and you'll be there for me Forever it's you Forever in me Ever the same You may need me there To carry all your weight But you're no burden I assure You tide me over With a warmth I'll not forget But I can only give you love Fall on me tell me everything you want me to be Forever with you Forever in me Ever the same Call on me I'll be there for you and you'll be there for me Forever it's you Forever in me Ever the same Forever with you Forever in me Ever the same(Ever the same) Current Mood: okay Current Music: Rob Thomas (Comment on this)
Wednesday, November 8th, 2006
2:09 am	cancer sucks I was so stoked when I heard that Kaethe, Brent's sister, found a doner. Had a feeling it might be kind of late, but totally stoked...and with prayer, with prayer, with prayer...13 of 16 alleles matched. All sounded good. And then a very dear friend (Brent) burst into tears when I asked about her today. (hard enough driving in a constant downpour...worlds different when the "rain in downpouring inside the vehicle" as well) And so this email: My very dear friend, Brent: huh...I don't know where to start. Ok, let's try this, see where it goes...thank you so very much for calling today; always, ALWAYS wonderful to hear your voice and speak with you. Sorry to hear about you and Marni's difficult weekend. Floor does sound gorgeous, though. I forgot about a thousand things I wanted to say/ask you and now can't think of a one. Alzheimer's. At age 42. Wouldn't surprise me. I am so sorry to hear about Kaethe. I had a bad feeling...but she could go into remission - with enough prayer and hope and God...I'm in over-drive right now, trying to do "my part". I fear mostly for her children - and for you (probably Joel, too, though I don't know him very much anymore). It seems to me that you are in such denial. It scares the heck out of me. For your sake. You know - or at least I hope you know - how much I love and care for you. It's a thing I couldn't even begin to try to want to understand, the possible loss of a sibling. It would shatter me completely as I so love and adore my family. I just want you to know that I am praying steadily for Kaethe, for your mother (who should never out-live a child), for you, for Joel, Scott, for the children who know her as "Aunt Kaethe". For her friends. For everyone even remotely connected to such a lovely, vibrant, bubbling, beautiful person and soul. Sometimes, life just seems so backwards to me. Horrendous people rule the world and that is not how it should be. Wish I could hug you. Wish I could fix "something". Maybe this sheds new life on "my job" - I have been so much more patient with him today (and peaceful) with his surgery and with some bad, very bad, news. Please keep me updated and keep in touch, please (Please! I need your voice in my ear every now and again). I do so love you, Brent. ~ Anjennette Current Mood: ????? (Comment on this)
Saturday, October 28th, 2006
4:23 am	My f'ing job... I "got rid of Leo" for a night and half a day... He was trying to kill me (without trying but doing a damned good job in almost succeeding, won't go into it now; besides the fact he nearly murdered me while I was in my garden - he came flying up the driveway going about 50 mph and I had nowhere to go - as well as nearly crushing me to death with an 100 lb. desk while moving furniture out for the new carpeting - there's been more but don't even want to think about it all right now) and trying to blow up the computer - I totally lost it the other night. There was all kinds of swearing, doors slamming - I may have made him cry, but hell!!! I know he's old and all, but C'MON!!! He knows better!!! I called his son and after listening to him gripe and moan about "whatever" - told him (and I must admit, I was rather proud of myself), "your dad might be my job. But he is still YOUR father!" - that actually got through - so after a very lengthy day of doctor's visits, running about town, etc., dropped him at his son's and they are going to the coast for "a while" tomorrow. I know Leo figured out that I called his son but I don't really care too much. He (Jr.) needs to spend some time with him, he needs to "take him off my hands" occasionally and yes, he IS HIS FATHER for crying out loud. Been rather stressful lately - and Mon. through Thur. next week, doctors, doctors, doctors...I have no patience but this means Anjennette MUST sit and wait and wait and wait and...God is definitely trying to drill patience into me...with PMS and all, not working all that well at the moment - lol. I will endure as I always do... Current Mood: frustrated (Comment on this)
Friday, October 27th, 2006
9:49 pm	A song that continues to pour through my brain... (what I was looking for originally...) UNCLE KRACKER LYRICS "Drift Away" Day after day I'm more confused Then I look for the light through the pourin' rain You know, that's a game, that I hate to lose I'm feelin' the strain, ain't it a shame [CHORUS:] Ohhh, Give me the beat boys and free my soul I wanna get lost in your rock and roll and drift away Give me the beat boys and free my soul I wanna get lost in your rock and roll and drift away Won't you take me away Beginin' to think, that I'm wastin' time And I don't understand the things I do The world outside looks so unkind And I'm countin' on you, you can carry me through Give me the beat boys and free my soul I wanna get lost in your rock and roll and drift away Give me the beat boys and free my soul I wanna get lost in your rock and roll and drift away Won't you take me away And when my mind is free You know your melody can move me And when I'm feelin' blue The guitars come through to soothe me Thanks for the joy that you've given me I want you to know that I believe in your song And rhythm, and rhyme, and harmony You helped me along, you're makin' me strong Give me the beat boys and free my soul I wanna get lost in your rock and roll and drift away Give me the beat boys and free my soul I wanna get lost in your rock and roll and drift away Won't you take me away Give me the beat boys and free my soul I wanna get lost in your rock and roll and drift away Give me the beat boys and free my soul I wanna get lost in your rock and roll and drift away Won't you take me away Current Mood: bit bummed - as usual (Comment on this)
9:41 pm	Kracker song Never heard this one but it sounds like it might be really good: "To Think I Used To Love You" You made me laugh some You made me cry some too You sent me off into a world of pain And made me someone new You made all kinds of promises But only some came true Now I know you need me more than I need you [CHORUS] To think I used to love you For reasons I don't know You polished up my halo And I dirtied up your soul I sure had a good time But we both know I can't stay To think I used to love you but I'm leaving anyway You know I'm not perfect And I tried to make you see Somehow you though of everything But you didn't think about me Lies and disappointment Makes your world go round It's to late save me so you might as well come down [REPEAT CHORUS] (Comment on this)
Wednesday, October 25th, 2006
7:23 pm	today's horoscope hmmm... Why are you in such a rush lately? Stop the engines and cool your jets ... because if you don't, you could be missing out on something major. Someone has been desperately trying to get your attention, but you have been so busy focused on other things that you haven't slowed down to notice them by the side of the road, trying to flag you down. They deserve a good bit of your time, even if you suspect they only want to brag. The truth is, they have an important message to give you. Current Mood: pensive (Comment on this)
Monday, October 16th, 2006
3:11 am	internet freaking out, best do this fast!! I am so very thankfully grateful for the prayers and prayers and prayers......hope it has all been for Kaethe and that it is on time and will shed all fears. Heal, heal, heal, Baby heal...please, Baby Heal!!!!!! God Bless her soul and her longevity. Have a wonderful time in D.C. You deserve a vaca. I have the place where "pura vida" will be forever written on my flesh! Now, I just must find the 'tat artiste' to do the right thing and how I picture it... it will be backwards so if read in a mirror and "enamorded" with Costa Rican foliage...just kind of came to me. "if ya gotta get a tattoo there may as well be leafage". Can truly feel the drill on me already. Seriously. Ooweeeee..... Have a wonderful time in D.C. ~ Me (Comment on this)
Friday, October 13th, 2006
9:02 pm	cold my soul seems to be chilled to the marrow. So cold, so cold, so...the weather isn't that bad, but I am SOOO cold... Current Mood: cold (Comment on this)
Thursday, October 12th, 2006
1:04 pm	Gay Rights Gay Rights "Why is it that, as a culture, we are more comfortable seeing two men holding guns than holding hands?" -- Ernest Gaines We would like to know who really believes in gay rights on LiveJournal. There is no bribe of a miracle or anything like that. If you truly believe in gay rights, then repost this and title the post as "Gay Rights". If you don't believe in gay rights, then just ignore this. Thanks. (Comment on this)
1:02 pm	Lyrics "Telephone Song" Woke up this morning I was all alone Saw your picture by the telephone I was missing you oh so bad Wish I had you here to hold All I've got is this touch-tone phone So I guess I'll give you a call Operator help me please Get thru to my baby way overseas Time's a wastin' oh so fast Hello baby tell me is that you I don't know what we're gonna do But for now I'm glad I got you on the line Well it feels so fine Knowing you're all right But you're miles away Lord it's not the same Well I woke up this morning I was all alone Saw your picture by the telephone I've been missing you baby oh so bad I love you baby with all my might Come on home and squeeze me tight Long distance lovin's gonna drive me out of my mind [spoken words as music fades] You better come on home baby I'm about to go crazy Im tired a huggin' my pillow at night It sure don't kiss as good as you Know all them pictures you gave me? Well them lips won't move at all And them clothes in the closet They look a lot better on you than they do on the hangers Besides, I just can't wait to get my arms around you Come on home ~ Stevie Ray Vaughn (Comment on this)
Monday, October 9th, 2006
7:47 pm	Another email - with eloquence (or so I hope) My dearest friend: Thank you so much for calling tonight. What a lovely sound, to hear your voice in my ear. Thank you for your address. Hope you find your phone. Also hope you find my necklace!!! (I know you won't, but I keep hoping...). Anyone seen a watch in the sand lately??? Wish I knew what was really going on with you, you sounded very secretive...but that is your option, of course. Still working on this danged apple butter - again, it might be midnight by the time it gets canned - finally coming along pretty well, though still a bit too chunky...do you like apple butter?? I thought of a million things I wanted to ask you/say to you after we decided there "wasn't anything further to discuss" - as always. I feel I need to say one thing though...this has been bothering me a bit. GO SEE YOUR SISTER, BRENT!!! You are in far too much denial and it worries me terribly. The lies I have been telling others and myself are also disconcerting and therefore, the crying jag I went on the other night. I have come to the conclusion that I MUST find a part-time job...I don't know what, where or how, but I need interaction. I need to feel useful, besides doing the freaking laundry and "house-wifey" shit. Since returning from Phoenix, the seclusion has been overwhelming. K, gotta ask you something here - what is with the naming of your children? And why does one have a "normal name" and the rest make me have to think before addressing? It's been bothering me, had to ask. Please whisper to Kiersten that I love her and have been thinking about her. She is an especially precious one. I have to tell you one thing though, Brent. If "she" tosses you out again, you are definitely MINE, MINE, MINE, MINE, MINE. No questions asked - unless you choose otherwise...actually, I know I would somehow let you down. I have always (and I do mean ALWAYS) had this vision of me living in some cabin in the mountains, all self-sufficient (gotta cut wood, carry water to survive) and caring for someone else's children. I have rarely seen a man in the picture, but there have always been two children in the scene. Maybe a past life? I shouldn't have said that (yet I did, and no, did not delete - which I am still strongly considering...) Don't let the sex be the defining ingredient. You have to do what is best for Brent and Brent's family - as you well know. You asked me for my undying love and friendship - as I said, that is a definite given. You are a true gift to the planet, to the world, and to my life, and I will love you forever and always. You are one amazing solar system in yourself. You might not think so, but I have also thought so. I'm thinking Utah... Good night, Brent. ~ Me Current Mood: pleased (Comment on this)
Wednesday, October 4th, 2006
8:56 pm	balls and buckets I ask for so little ... and I am totally freaking out right now...trying to figure out where I am to go...a little in my life goes an awfully long way. This entire "peter fiasco" is taking it's toll again. If I have to hire a lawyer and the whole D.A.'s office and all...well, I must take it into consideration. If this doesn't completely end on January 12th, I need to find a new venue. As I told you, my mother said that Montana should not be something I should aim for...so now I am considering Wyoming. I can't, I just can't, go on with the whole "he nearly killed me shit, it was all he wanted at that moment". I had to turn on my little heater coupla' days ago, that alone just isn't right. I dunno, I just don't know. As I said to my mother today, if he and I had just broken up, that would have been one thing...for him to spring the bounds of nonsense, completely another. Why do men think it is all right to try to murder me? I am that awful?? K, so my period came early, guess I am permeating the bad stuff now...I keep dreaming of that tall man, dark-haired...guess I will know him when I see him. In my dreams, I have told him, "you can't hurt me" Dammit. Lost again. As always. Montana or Wyoming anyone? Current Mood: lost, as always (Comment on this)
7:40 pm	Another one to Brent Subject: "oh yeah...one more thing..." ...hate to tell you this, but Women Know Everything... I was doing laundry one day when suddenly, I "knew" what was going on in my marriage. And danged if I wasn't correct. Though he lied, he lied, he lied...women know EVERYTHING. Hate to tell ya that, but I felt I must warn you. Be prepared. Either learn really fast how to be a really good liar or decide if this is your "walk away". Scared the crap out of you, didn't I?! Current Mood: Cautionary (Comment on this)
Tuesday, October 3rd, 2006
2:39 am	Emails to Brent Hey, you. How was your day? Did you get some good sleep last night? Hope you felt good and rested today. Trying - trying, trying, TRYING - to not be lonely and bored tonight since I've only returned not even 24 hours ago (it's not going exceptionally well, I might add). Slept a really good portion of the day today - felt myself completely wiped out. Not sure why...cold is one thing (from 90+ degrees down to 50, that'd be enough to do it), not to mention no sunshine and on and off showers (not too terrible yet, though). Just awesomely tired. Slept a good 4 or so hours this afternoon after taking Leo into town to do all his errands. Had some very vivid dreams, of which none I remember. There was one, with some guy, it was rather an interesting one as I wasn't really in the dream. He was dark haired and tall and living this life and I was like either a fly on the wall or watching television while this dream took place. Wish I could remember more. A friend of mine (if you can call him that - more of an acquaintance who would LIKE a relationship with me) called on Sunday. I ought to call him back but don't find myself wanting to. He's a nice person but he is a "bad boy" and going through all kinds of domestic/divorce crap AND he lives in Eugene so that makes him not even remotely interesting to me. Leo took Peter's gas can back to his house on Saturday. Peter actually returned my dresser drawer and heavy wool winter coat. Not to mention a planting pot (which I know was "a gift") and a half-empty bottle of bath bubbles. The bubbles were his ex-wife's, the pretty white planting pot, I know is just to "throw me off track" again. Leo even said he asked after me. He's totally trying to get under my skin and throw me off so I don't "go after him" at his trial. Good luck with THAT, buddy. Not going to be my call but my lawyer's (once I find one and NOT female - I'm so glad I asked you about that; I really think you are right on with that one) and the D.A. This nonsense will never die, I am afraid. I listened to a bit of both CDs last night. I like them both - the reggae, had to forward quite a bit as I was looking for something more soothing at the time though I did enjoy. The other one I really liked, though I need to "peruse" it further. Love the lyrics on both though the reggae takes more of an ear. Hope all is good at home. Sure do miss the attention of your daughters and yourself. That was truly a gift from God, getting to spend time with you and your beautiful girls. I made up my bed with all clean sheets last night while listening to the music you gave me and got to sleep in my own cozy bed with nice, clean sheets, it was lovely. I did have to turn my little space heater on this afternoon, though, as it was freaking FREEZING in there! Still have the window cracked a bit for fresh air but need to "warm the bones of the place up" so it's not pure torment when I go to bed or get up. Heck, I'm lonely. Not even a security guard to hang out with here. I went to Bi-Mart today; well, that was a bad idea as they were giving out flu shots to the old folks...and Lord in Heaven!! Do we have the old folk here! Every aisle were lined up with all of them. And after I gave up and left, every person I saw had to have been at least 72 or more...I must find younger people. I must, I must, I must. Oh! this was rather odd...when I was taking the first of many naps, I kept smelling cigar smoke. Think I'll go shower, get all nice and warm and climb into a cozy bed and read for a while. Tomorrow I have to make appointments for everything I didn't do today - I DID do laundry and made dinner so I wasn't a complete and utter sloth. Love you, Brent. Take care of yourself. Write when you have a moment. ~ Me Current Mood: lazy (Comment on this)
Monday, October 2nd, 2006
8:23 pm	A return home Subject: "Home Again, home again" well, I made it - safe and sound. Got a wee bit lost leaving the Eugene Airport but realized pretty quickly what I did wrong so as soon as I could, I turned myself around (and did the hokey-pokey). Just got in. Leo is happy to have me home - I found myself driving a bit slower and slower as I got closer. At least I have my cozy bed to look forward to (just as soon as I put the clean sheets on that I was supposed to do before I left last week). Weekend went way too quickly as they always do when you are having "the BEST VACATION EVER!!! Thank you so much for bringing me my phone, taking me to lunch and then to the airport. That was really a treat as I didn't think I'd get to see you the last day I was there. Hey, know what I was thinking? I'm wondering if my necklace broke somewhere in your house - perhaps in the girl's room? I smothered them with hugs (and they, me) when they gave me their sweet little token gifts (which I still think was the sweetest thing!). Or maybe downstairs when we gave each other our final hugs before you wandered off into the night with me??? I had such a lovely time with them - please let them know I really enjoyed all of them. Wish I had had more of a conversation with Marni but then that's my fault - I didn't make the effort which I really should have (sorry, but I was enjoying YOUR company and attention!) And one last time, I do sincerely apologize for that stupid thing I said last night. I feel kind of bad about that. Liked what you wrote in the book; thank you. And thank you for the book, too. Oh yeah! I also have new music to look forward to! Yee hah!! Love new music! Miss you already. Love you, my dear friend. ~ Anjennette Current Mood: contemplative (Comment on this)